think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
