I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
