i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
