Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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