I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
