The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
