is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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