she pinky promised me she was 18
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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