good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Alive.
So much puke
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
