I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
