If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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