That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
is wine microwaveable?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
