Life is so much better after having sex.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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