the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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