Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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