I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
