Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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