Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
