Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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