I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
