This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
