Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
