I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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