k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
