i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
