so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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