dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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