So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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