I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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