Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
