I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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