My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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