new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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