Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
