And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
