I want to walk on stilts...naked
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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