how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
