adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
