i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
