I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You are the jesus of drinking
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