I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I didn't notice because vodka
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
