he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Drake has all the answers
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
