A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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