I hate your face
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
