hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
