dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
