It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
