at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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