You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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