very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
