when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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