They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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