If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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