I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
