The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Acid is not a monday night drug
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
