i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
