I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
