I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
being pregnant is like rehab
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
