i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
