were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
