why didn't you poke me back
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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