anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
