I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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