Define "chronic" masturbator.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
