I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
