In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
